Grace and Grit

Goodbye to a place I once called hom e Now to a new strangers place, to learn Learn how to live on my own Yet I yearned for just a stable home I had never felt so alone Accompanied by two new black garbage bags With a couple rags, and old memories Goodbye to my friends with just These two black garbage bags and some accessories " It'll be ok," my caseworker assured  As I was lured into the system Swallowed by the courts Consumed by the placements Goodbye to a place I once called my home. -  by AHTIYA As some of you may know, last year we began the process of becoming trained and cleared to house transitional youth. These are young adults who have “aged out” of foster care, who are currently experiencing homelessness. This is a group that both Josh and I have felt a call to serve and partner with for a long time. It must be so scary and lonely to turn 18 and be forced to survive in a world that offers little to no support system. I am excite...

Just over two years ago I said "I Do" to my husband Joshua. The journey leading to that day was a stressful one, as I imagine it is for most people who are blending two separate lives into one. It felt especially crazy for me since I was job hunting and house hunting along with planning our wedding, working, and being in grad school...hard to believe I didn't drive Josh insane with all the unknowns we had going on at once. God definitely gave us some extra grace through all that... and being in premarital counseling certainly helped. It still feels very new to be married and living in our home in the Antelope Valley. It's weird to come home after work to a husband, the dogs, and a *real* house with a yard and garden (I lived in an apartment for 7 years). Don't get me wrong, it's a GOOD weird but weird none the less. :-) I also still feel like a newlywed...when does that go away?  For our anniversary this year we said our vows to each other again and it w...

It has been just over 3 years since my last post here. During this perceived hiatus I had begun writing 4 separate reflections that I just could not seem to finish. They were titled: Forgiveness, Plans Preparation & Purpose, The One About Compassion, and First Steps. I attributed the delay to busyness, lack of motivation, and writer's block, but I don't think those things were actually the cause. I have been going through an emotional and spiritual valley recently. What I mean by valley is that God had orchestrated certain circumstances, relationships, and experiences in my life to come together in a way that brought me to a low or difficult place. I have experienced valleys in my life before and they were always times when God felt far away and I was questioning His goodness and purpose for me as well as resisting the growth He was trying to bring about in my relationship with Him. However painful or difficult these valleys of the past were, I learned from experience ...

This season at the shelter has been quite full. We've had a house full of non-typical and difficult cases that have required more from me as a manager than I have ever experienced before. Challenge, although not often sought, is something that God uses to bring me to a place of more dependence on Him. This is definitely true for me this past year. I have transferred houses within the Sheepfold ministry and it has taken much longer to adjust than I thought it would. Every home has its idiosyncrasies so it's been fun and stretching adjusting to new families, coworkers, commute, neighborhood, etc. If I could sum up these past 8 months into a few words I would say: Change brings lots of opportunity to practice fully relying on God...not putting my trust or joy in a person, circumstances, or state of mind. I know this is a really short post and that it doesn't really contain any interesting or useful info. It was just time to start blogging again. God is good. He is showing ...

The following is from one of my moms. It's always better when you can hear their story in their own words rather than mine.  The face of every mother and child is imprinted on my heart, including this one.  These stories continue long after they leave the "sheltered life."  Although not every woman that enters our shelter leaves with her life in order and her kids healthy and happy, it is good to remember that each of them experienced Love while they were with us. That is my purpose: Love God, Love People. By the way, I'm ok with spending my whole life perfecting that pursuit.  <3 “A new command  I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.   By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” - John 13:34-35 ________________________________________________ When I was asked to write about what led me to The Sheepfold my mind started cycling through old memories. I began ...

Ironically, a couple weeks after my last post " Goodbyes ," I experienced my most difficult goodbye yet. The grief knocked me off my feet and onto my knees crying out to God. My heart is still aching from it. Sometimes the process of letting go and allowing God to mend a broken heart can take awhile...especially because I have a tendency to work over the past in my mind as if I can change history. Silly Me. I don't really feel like relaying the events of the last goodbye. Maybe at a later date it will come up, but not yet. Forgive me? In the mean time I am re-reading my last post because I need the reminder that God is the mender of all things broken. A little while ago two of our moms made us a beautiful scrapbook that they filled with pictures of them and their children as well as notes of things they were grateful for. It is so precious to each of my fellow house managers, especially after an emotionally difficult week. I am going to share with you one of the note...

Confession: This post has been sitting as a draft for almost six months because I haven't had the emotional energy to dwell on this subject (goodbyes). Although I've known I wanted to tackle it for some time, I also wanted to write it from a peaceful frame of mind and it's taken awhile to get there. With the recent passing of The Sheepfold's founder, Fran Lundquist, I have been spending more time thinking of the thousands of women who must have walked through The Sheepfold's doors over the past 30+ years. Just in my short time working here I have known, loved, guided, served, and been blessed by at least 30 women and 50+ children. Some stayed just a few weeks, others months, and some even a year. That's just at my house, not including the hundreds of women I've met at the Sheepfold's other shelter houses and alumni gatherings. As I have written here before, domestic violence does not effect one demographic more than another. We have young women and ol...

One of our moms decided to write down her thoughts and experiences since coming to The Sheepfold. I thought I would share with you what she had to say. This is in her own words. English is not her first language, so please be understanding of grammar and punctuation. (The following is used with permission. All names and indentifying information have been removed.) ********************************************* Being @ the Sheepfold The Sheepfold is a big blessing from GOD. When I and my daughter first came in here we were welcomed with true love. I remember when (House Manager) showed me my room. There was a small bag with lotion, body spray, and a welcome card that made me cry that there's good people in the world and it's not just on T.V. or movies. I've been going through a lot of emotional stress because of my big fear of the court dates. Every one of the house managers were ready to leave everything they are doing just to give me the time and hear me out. ...

It's been two months, but I'm back! It began with some soul searching. I asked God to reveal areas that I was fighting Him for control or had given up on, needs I was ignoring, desires and dreams I had thrown away because I saw no progress, stress triggers, why my sleep wasn't restful, why silence was something I tried to avoid, etc. Over the past two months I have been learning how to make time for respite. Respite means an " interval of relief ." It's the calm amidst the storm, the break between semesters, the good night's sleep after a long hard day, the cold glass of water after a walk through the desert, and the hug and loving words of a friend in a crisis. Taken from http://thoughtfulcaregiver.com/ This past season has been a difficult one for me at the shelter. A pregnant mom left us to return to her abuser which, even though I know statistically a woman leaves 7 times before it's for good, it was beyond my comprehension. How can someon...

So I have not posted in awhile and there are a couple reasons for that. First, a lot has been happening in my life lately and in the lives of those who are near and dear to me. Some of these are good things, some bad, some confusing, and some that are just difficult. It's crazy how messy things get when when I'm striving to be genuine and vulnerable.  If there's no current conflict to work through in your life let me challenge you to ask yourself whether or not you are really willing to change. Wait, what did I just say? If you're looking for growth, then how you deal with conflict (within yourself or interpersonally) will show you a lot about where you need to focus. :-) Second, I want to make sure that I am not posting something just because I want to speak and be heard. I've mostly enjoyed this blog. There have been so many cool experiences over the past six months that I haven't shared yet! I don't think I'll run out of things to talk about for dec...