Reclaiming Joy: Down in the Valley

It has been just over 3 years since my last post here. During this perceived hiatus I had begun writing 4 separate reflections that I just could not seem to finish. They were titled: Forgiveness, Plans Preparation & Purpose, The One About Compassion, and First Steps. I attributed the delay to busyness, lack of motivation, and writer's block, but I don't think those things were actually the cause.

I have been going through an emotional and spiritual valley recently. What I mean by valley is that God had orchestrated certain circumstances, relationships, and experiences in my life to come together in a way that brought me to a low or difficult place. I have experienced valleys in my life before and they were always times when God felt far away and I was questioning His goodness and purpose for me as well as resisting the growth He was trying to bring about in my relationship with Him. However painful or difficult these valleys of the past were, I learned from experience that God always had a purpose for them. When I was (finally) willing to surrender my will and trust Him I would experience a deep peace and closer intimacy with Him than I would have thought possible. Even though the difficulties, questions, and pain would sometimes still remain for weeks, months, or even years, there was peace and joy in those times because I knew my God was right there with me through it all.

A book that I have read several times that mirrors some of these valley experiences is "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. It is an allegory about a young woman whose name is Much Afraid and she lives in the Valley of Despair with all her relatives of the Fearing clan. Much Afraid is lame, walks painfully with a horrible limp, and is seen by all around her as a most unattractive whimpering coward. But then one day she is called by the Shepherd to journey to the High Places, to the Kingdom of Love, where He will heal her feet, make her beautiful, and give her a new name. She begins her long and difficult journey with two companions chosen by the Shepherd to help her...they are Sorrow and Suffering. If that wasn't bad enough to have those two companions for company, the way chosen for her to the High Places was through deserts, valleys, and perilous cliffs.

I don't want to tell you the whole story (it's such an amazing book and you should read it for yourself), but I bring it up because so much of what Much Afraid experiences in her journey to wholeness is what I myself can relate to in my own spiritual journey. When we give our lives over to Christ it's not this one-time decision that makes our life wonderful and gives us understanding of everything. Don't get me wrong, there are wonderful things that happen when you decide to live for Christ and accept His forgiveness; salvation, renewal, regeneration, sanctification, etc. But there is a long journey ahead for those willing to follow Jesus.

When I have shared my testimony or had the opportunity to lead someone to my Jesus I always make a point of letting them know that life doesn't get easier once you've made a commitment to live for God. In fact, it almost always gets way harder! It is a dangerous thing to treat the Creator of the universe like your personal genie in a bottle or Santa Clause. If you put God in a box like that you will begin to doubt his goodness and love as soon as you experience your first valley. It is not God's job to make you happy and comfortable! He did not create you (a complex and beautiful heart, mind, and soul) so that you could spend your life relaxing. He created you (us) with a purpose...to bring Him glory. When we discover and pursue the unique way we are called to fulfill this purpose we get to experience an awesome side effect... peace, love, and joy.

Have you ever met a Christian who was in the midst of some terrible circumstance that would have left you curled up in the fetal position crying on the floor, but they handled it with this amazing grace and peace? Yeah, that's God. I'm not saying that the mature Christian will never question God, please understand that. Even David, who God calls a "man after His own heart," questions God when he is in the midst of valleys. (Psalm 88 & 119:81-86) It is human to question, but in the midst of questioning we are given an opportunity to have faith...to trust that God is still good, loving, faithful, just, kind, and a protective Father who wants the best for His children.

So back to my current "valley experience." :-) This time my valley wasn't one of questioning God, but rather forgetting to speak with Him frequently. Life has been extremely busy and full of changes the past 2 years; Getting married, losing a loved one, buying a house, moving to the Antelope Valley, starting a new job, finishing my master's in business, attending a new church, getting a dog...etc. I could write an entire post on each of these if I had the time! Most of these are wonderful things, but in the midst of the "change fatigue" and general busyness of life I have been missing out on the quiet moments, the soul-restoring moments that God gives when I take the time to sit in stillness and give Him my time. In speaking with my peers I've found that I am not alone in this struggle, especially among my female friends. It's so easy for us to over-extend ourselves or feel like the world will collapse without our immediate attention.

So today I'm hitting re-start. Reaching for The Shepherd just as Much Afraid does when she remembers that He is the one who called her on this journey in the first place. I can't quite see the big picture from down here in the valley, but I know that there is joy in the journey.

“The awful glimpse down into the abyss of an existence without him had so staggered and appalled her heart that she felt she could never be quite the same again. However, it had opened her eyes to the fact that right down in the depths of her own heart she really had but one passionate desire, not for the things which the Shepherd had promised, but for himself. All she wanted was to be allowed to follow him forever.” 
― Hannah Hurnard, Hinds' Feet on High Places