Respite
It's been two months, but I'm back!
It began with some soul searching. I asked God to reveal areas that I was fighting Him for control or had given up on, needs I was ignoring, desires and dreams I had thrown away because I saw no progress, stress triggers, why my sleep wasn't restful, why silence was something I tried to avoid, etc.
Over the past two months I have been learning how to make time for respite. Respite means an "interval of relief." It's the calm amidst the storm, the break between semesters, the good night's sleep after a long hard day, the cold glass of water after a walk through the desert, and the hug and loving words of a friend in a crisis.
This past season has been a difficult one for me at the shelter. A pregnant mom left us to return to her abuser which, even though I know statistically a woman leaves 7 times before it's for good, it was beyond my comprehension. How can someone willingly put herself and her child back under the control of an abuser, an abuser who's previous girlfriend is an unsolved homicide? I also saw a homeless mom with 4 kids leave the shelter to take a temp minimum wage night job because it would let her "pretend to be someone else and let out my aggression and have fun." Basically she got to live like a woman who had no children or obligations while her children would spend their nights being cared for by strangers and their days alone while their mom slept. This same mom also refused counseling, proclaiming that she was doing quite well on her own. My heart truly broke over these families and their choices. I have also been angry. Angry at abusers who beat their children, rape their wives, and crush the spirit of an innocent. Angry at the welfare system in California that becomes a long-term crutch for the people it's meant to empower and denies coverage to those who would most benefit from its resources. Angry at the justice system which has so often failed to protect and defend the rights of the defenseless. Angry at people who claim to serve Christ yet never get up off their couches and pews to love the broken world on their doorstep, uncomfortable with getting their hands dirty. Ok...deep breath. See why I need respite?
As a way to help house managers grow, process, and stay sane The Sheepfold provides a benefit to house managers called a Spiritual Director. Her job is to be a Spiritual mentor, counselor, and encourager. I have found my meetings with her to be helpful in trying to decipher themes in my life and what God might be trying to do in and through me. Also, she has played a significant role in helping me realize the importance of respite.
Gradually, and I mean ever so S L O W L Y, God has been teaching me how to let go of "stuff." This stuff has been physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual. I found I've had all kinds of things crowding out what was really helpful and important. Some of the stuff was as simple and basic as reorganizing my bedroom, cleaning out my car and utilizing the space in my kitchen better. Other things were a little more difficult such as deciding to cut back on the amount of time I spent volunteering, learning how to sit in stillness without my mind kicking into overdrive, knowing when I needed to take an extra drive or walk around the block before coming home so that home would feel like a sanctuary, finding what will trigger rest in my mind and body, etc. Many of these things I am still working on, but I've already noticed a big difference in my mood, energy levels, and prayer life.
A seemingly small realization that turned out to have far reaching effects has been my love for the ocean and all things pertaining to it. It is hands down my favorite place to be any time of day and any time of the year. I feel regenerated when I'm in the water or sitting on the shore. It's my "happy place" and where I feel most grateful to God for His creation. In light of this I've spent the Summer looking for ways to incorporate some of it's elements into my daily life. I added a beautiful painting of waves crashing on the shore above my bed, a nature sounds device in my apartment so I can hear the waves whenever I want, and coconut and sand scented items in my car, bedroom, and shower. I also invested in a decent body board and wet suit, started budgeting for beach parking, and am saving for a surfing trip to Costa Rica next May. Of course I've also spent a significant portion of my days off at the beach.
As I've been making changes I've found that I now love coming home, my sleep is way more restful, I feel stronger, organizing and cleaning are less of a chore, clutter is becoming more and more a thing of the past, it's easier to find time to pick up my Bible, I bring more energy to work, and it's getting easier and easier for me to let go of stuff I've been holding onto...forgiveness, love, grace, mercy all seem to be more valuable somehow. :-)
I'm sure I have not arrived or achieved something that no one else has before, but respite has taken on a whole new meaning for me and God is using it to impact my life and bring Him glory. I love it!
It began with some soul searching. I asked God to reveal areas that I was fighting Him for control or had given up on, needs I was ignoring, desires and dreams I had thrown away because I saw no progress, stress triggers, why my sleep wasn't restful, why silence was something I tried to avoid, etc.
Over the past two months I have been learning how to make time for respite. Respite means an "interval of relief." It's the calm amidst the storm, the break between semesters, the good night's sleep after a long hard day, the cold glass of water after a walk through the desert, and the hug and loving words of a friend in a crisis.
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| Taken from http://thoughtfulcaregiver.com/ |
This past season has been a difficult one for me at the shelter. A pregnant mom left us to return to her abuser which, even though I know statistically a woman leaves 7 times before it's for good, it was beyond my comprehension. How can someone willingly put herself and her child back under the control of an abuser, an abuser who's previous girlfriend is an unsolved homicide? I also saw a homeless mom with 4 kids leave the shelter to take a temp minimum wage night job because it would let her "pretend to be someone else and let out my aggression and have fun." Basically she got to live like a woman who had no children or obligations while her children would spend their nights being cared for by strangers and their days alone while their mom slept. This same mom also refused counseling, proclaiming that she was doing quite well on her own. My heart truly broke over these families and their choices. I have also been angry. Angry at abusers who beat their children, rape their wives, and crush the spirit of an innocent. Angry at the welfare system in California that becomes a long-term crutch for the people it's meant to empower and denies coverage to those who would most benefit from its resources. Angry at the justice system which has so often failed to protect and defend the rights of the defenseless. Angry at people who claim to serve Christ yet never get up off their couches and pews to love the broken world on their doorstep, uncomfortable with getting their hands dirty. Ok...deep breath. See why I need respite?
As a way to help house managers grow, process, and stay sane The Sheepfold provides a benefit to house managers called a Spiritual Director. Her job is to be a Spiritual mentor, counselor, and encourager. I have found my meetings with her to be helpful in trying to decipher themes in my life and what God might be trying to do in and through me. Also, she has played a significant role in helping me realize the importance of respite.
Gradually, and I mean ever so S L O W L Y, God has been teaching me how to let go of "stuff." This stuff has been physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual. I found I've had all kinds of things crowding out what was really helpful and important. Some of the stuff was as simple and basic as reorganizing my bedroom, cleaning out my car and utilizing the space in my kitchen better. Other things were a little more difficult such as deciding to cut back on the amount of time I spent volunteering, learning how to sit in stillness without my mind kicking into overdrive, knowing when I needed to take an extra drive or walk around the block before coming home so that home would feel like a sanctuary, finding what will trigger rest in my mind and body, etc. Many of these things I am still working on, but I've already noticed a big difference in my mood, energy levels, and prayer life.
A seemingly small realization that turned out to have far reaching effects has been my love for the ocean and all things pertaining to it. It is hands down my favorite place to be any time of day and any time of the year. I feel regenerated when I'm in the water or sitting on the shore. It's my "happy place" and where I feel most grateful to God for His creation. In light of this I've spent the Summer looking for ways to incorporate some of it's elements into my daily life. I added a beautiful painting of waves crashing on the shore above my bed, a nature sounds device in my apartment so I can hear the waves whenever I want, and coconut and sand scented items in my car, bedroom, and shower. I also invested in a decent body board and wet suit, started budgeting for beach parking, and am saving for a surfing trip to Costa Rica next May. Of course I've also spent a significant portion of my days off at the beach.
As I've been making changes I've found that I now love coming home, my sleep is way more restful, I feel stronger, organizing and cleaning are less of a chore, clutter is becoming more and more a thing of the past, it's easier to find time to pick up my Bible, I bring more energy to work, and it's getting easier and easier for me to let go of stuff I've been holding onto...forgiveness, love, grace, mercy all seem to be more valuable somehow. :-)
I'm sure I have not arrived or achieved something that no one else has before, but respite has taken on a whole new meaning for me and God is using it to impact my life and bring Him glory. I love it!
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. - Psalm 139:9-10
love this post
ReplyDeleteYou have discovered such a precious truth JJ....with work there must follow rest! May you continue to enjoy the blessings of well deserved respites....and the ocean! Thank you for sharing...you convey the message so well!
ReplyDelete