Ebenezer, Part 2

...Many of you who know me know that for the past 15 years I've been interested in working with at-risk populations. I felt especially drawn to juvenile delinquents, foster children, and grieving children who've lost an immediate family member. I had many opportunities to volunteer within these groups; Comfort Zone Camp, AWANA, OC Youth Guidance Center, Juvenile Hall, Babysitting, Character First, Rancho Santa Marta Orphanage, YUGO Zapata, Guatemala City, Bernal, Mexico City, Singapore... to name a few of the memorable ones. :-) Yet for all the volunteer opportunities I still felt like I was missing out on something! I wanted more and I wanted it full-time.

Although I had a full-time job that was challenging I looked forward to my volunteer night and weekend jobs to carry me through the everyday 9-5. I do not regret my time spent in a cubicle, especially now that it seems it's already been ages ago! But it was disappointing to search and search for a full-time job in my field of interest and not see anything pan out. Many times I was frustrated, asking God why He gave me a calling and then seemed to provide no way to fulfill it. A wise woman once pointed out to me that I was indeed serving in my calling, just not in a capacity that had a paycheck. I could see the truth in what she said, but it didn't make my frustrations go away. Nor did my desire for something more all-encompassing and epic diminish.

Then one day last Summer a switch got flipped inside my brain and heart. Some embers that had long been smoldering and fading started to glow hot. I started to feel like change was coming, BIG change, and I knew I wanted to be ready! I noticed my wants and needs changing first, then how I saw my future, then I stopped caring about the what/when/how/where's of my life path. What took the place of all that clutter and static was an open heart and mind. A moldability and readiness for whatever, and I really mean whatever, God had in store for me. I felt like I was walking around with "Bring it on" tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.

Then in one week three people, independently of each other, approached me and asked if I had considered applying at The Sheepfold. Coincidence? I'm learning more and more that "coincidences" rarely turn out to be coincidences. I knew what The Sheepfold was, or at least I had some idea so I checked it out. Their website didn't say they had any openings so I left a voicemail at their office. I received a call back from a woman who told me she wasn't sure if they were hiring or not but that I could submit a resume. I sent my resume off to the address she provided and a day later received a response back asking me if I would be willing to visit one of the shelter homes to see what they are all about.

I visited the shelter in the first week of July. It was an intense experience that I still really struggle to put into words. I felt drawn to and scared of the shelter at the same time. Taking a position at one of those homes could not be something I took lightly. I would have to KNOW I was meant to work there. It would mean high-stakes, all-or-nothing, no-holds-barred...well, you get the picture.

So me being me, I sat with my smoldering embers of thoughts and waited... I expected something like a flashing neon sign to indicate "Yea JJ. I God your Father in heaven hast called thee to this place and so now this work ye must do. So let it be written." Side note, yes I expected God to use neon signage and nicknames yet speak as if we were in the 17th century. Surprisingly my flashing sign did not appear. So I waited and continued searching other opportunities.

The more I searched the more discontented I became with the other options. No non-profit organization fit the bill, no mission statement was succinct enough, no group home or shelter was...The Sheepfold. Three months later I ran across a house manager job posting on Craigslist for The Sheepfold. I went for an interview with two of the OC house managers and then another interview with the Executive Director. At the end of this last interview I was asked, "Do you want to work here?" I took a breath and looked for my sign... what I discovered was that the embers that had been burning had turned into flames. Not a roaring fire, but definitely ignited. I felt a pang in my heart at the thought of not working there and I knew that God had answered my questions in the stillness of my own heart. He had given me a heart for ministry and a heart for The Sheepfold. If that question had been asked a year ago I think I would have said, "I'm sorry, but this isn't for me." Six months ago I think I would have been weighing the pros and cons and hesitating. But not now and not in that moment of realization. I said YES!

I'm sorry this post is so long, but there was so much involved in getting to where I am now and I feel compelled to share this experience. One last thing I need to share before I wrap up for the night.

A couple weeks after I said farewell to my old coworkers and had officially begun as a House Manager I got a letter. The letter stated that all the House Managers were going to be getting a raise in December. The new income was going to work out to be slightly higher than what I was making at my old desk job. I had a small freak-out moment in my head. God came through! Why was I feeling shocked and surprised? Why did I doubt that what God had CALLED me to do He would also ENABLE me to do? Every day this is becoming more and more clear to me. Each week as a House Manager brings with it a whole new set of inadequacies that become apparent to me. Yet the more inadequacies I see the more I see God working through me. I have found it so much easier to praise God when I'm acknowledging how much I need His grace.

"...And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6